Since their most basic need is feeding, babies start to create routines around nursing times and patterns.

I love nursing my little girl to sleep. She is always so beautiful and peaceful sleeping in my arms (I embrace the side-lying position when feeding to sleep), but then when she kept waking every couple of hours and needed the same routine to fall back asleep, it started being exhausting and overwhelming.

My daughter just turned five months this week and at the beginning, I somehow enjoyed nursing her to sleep every night and every time she woke up because it just felt so fulfilling and natural, like I was a great mum meeting my baby’s needs. But then it started taking a toll on me since I couldn’t sustain it in the long run.

I then decided that the way we were handling her sleep routine was hard for so many reasons. It was exhausting for both me and my girl since I was the only one who could get her to sleep, and she was waking up so much during the night.

And so, I realized I needed to teach her a new way to fall asleep.

How nice it would be if your baby learned to be an independent sleeper, especially through self-soothing skills?

These skills allow you to lay your baby in their crib when they are tired (and well-fed), and they will hang out there, sucking their thumb, making incoherent sounds, rubbing their heads on the bed, or anything that relaxes them to sleep. Once they develop this routine, they can repeat it in the night when they wake up. 

All of us wake up at some point in the night, but not all of us need someone to help us fall back to sleep. Babies who do this just don’t understand that they can be self-sufficient just yet. You can allow them to learn.

In fact, some studies claim that a baby who will only sleep after nursing actually has a sleeping disorder. While it’s common (experienced in up to 40% of kids), it is something that any mom or caregiver wants to put an end to.

We are not demanding that you never nurse your baby to sleep, but be careful not to let them develop a pattern from it. Instead, after one or two months, turn it to a simple now and then occurrence.

Here is a list of tips to help you break the pattern where your baby only falls asleep after feeding.

Feeding To Sleep Versus Falling Asleep Feeding

When your baby is fully fed, unlatches from the breast, and nods off contentedly, it is described as falling asleep feeding.

It is common among newborns but also happens among older babies especially during the bedtime nursing when their biological urge to sleep is high and feeding sets a natural scene for relaxation.

Feeding your baby to sleep on the other hand, is a parental led. It is amore conscious decision by the parent in an attempt to resolve a sleeping or feeding problem.

As a disclaimer, I would repeat that if you can sustain feeding to sleep and that it works for you and your baby, then, by all means, don’t stop. However, if it’s becoming hard to continue or if it doesn’t work, you can try another method.

But first, How Does the Feeding to Sleep Association Happen?

Having your baby fall asleep in your arms while feeding is a natural and very common thing. Most of babies’ day is often spent feeding and sleeping. So, its not surprising that the two overlap.

It can therefore be difficult to immediately recognize a feed-to-sleep association. It’s a pattern that can easily creep on mothers unawares when feeding as we’ve always done.

In fact, it starts to turn into a problem when your baby is above four months as they physiologically outgrow feeding to sleep as a strategy. As babies get older, feeding overstimulates them, making it hard for them to relax and settle into a deep sleep. An older baby is able to stay awake when feeding.

Feeding-to-sleep association is often a result of a continuation from the newborn days when we feed a lot, respond to our babies’ immediately, and not allowing them space to learn to self-settle. But it can also result from an external cause such as teething, illness or just the baby developing their own body clock. It always seem easier to feed them back to sleep at night and before we realize, we are stuck with a problematic habit.

If, as your little one gets older (usually once they’re 4-6 months old), they can]t sleep without being fed, you are stuck in a feeding to sleep association loop.

Unless your baby learns to sleep without nursing or a bottle, you could be setting yourself up for a difficult pattern and sleepless nights.

Thankfully, these 8 steps can help break the habit and set your baby up for better success at sleeping without having to feed first.

1. Establish a Feed- Play-Sleep cycle

One common option is to change your routine so you try the “Feed, Play, Sleep” approach. This means you reverse the pattern where you are constantly feeding to sleep and instead feed your baby as soon as she wakes rather than right before she sleeps.

This routine helps remove the negative association between feeding and sleeping since they will no longer be hungry when it’s time to sleep and start to rely less on feeding to fall asleep. Your baby will also feed better as she is alert and hungry rather than simply “snacking” to fall asleep.

You don’t need to do a ‘top up’ feeding before bed. If you realize your baby is tired, put them down and use settling methods like white noise, dim lights, and swaddling to help her relax and cue her that it’s time to sleep.

2. Implement a Structured Routine

One of the first steps is to develop a daily routine. Babies, just like adults, thrive off structured routines. Repeating the same nap routine and bedtime routine before sleep can help signal them that it’s time to sleep. Moving your baby into a structured schedule means their little brains and bodies will adopt a rhythm of when to expect nursing and sleep. For instance, if they repeatedly go to bed right around 6:30 pm, then they will naturally get sleepy close to that time. This makes it much easier for them to fall asleep without needing to feed.

Start by gently repeating activities leading up to bedtime, such as feeding your baby at the beginning of the sleep routine, diaper change, dimming the lights, swaddling, laying baby down awake, and snuggling. This doesn’t have to be a rigid routine. Rather, it helps to be attentive to your baby’s cues and respond accordingly when they are hungry or tired.

With a consistent sleep routine, your little one will be able to wind down and prepare for sleep. Remember, your routine should involve independent associations. These are sleep associations that you don’t necessarily have to fulfill yourself.

3. Monitor Wake Windows to keep your baby’s routine on track

Wake windows are the time from when your baby wakes up from naps to when they go down for another nap. Watching wake windows helps you time naps and ensure they get enough naps. You can also feed them early enough and get them down for sleep when you know when they need a nap saving you a lot of trouble in the long run.

Making sure your little one is well rested by getting their naps during the day will also lead to better sleep at night and, of course, an easier time getting them to bed without feeding them to sleep.

4. Prioritize Naps

I know we already mentioned establishing a routine, but it was mainly centered around bedtime (at night). You should do the same for daytime naps.

Creating a nap routine is also one of the best tips to help you break the dependency on needing to feed before sleeping. For babies, sleep generates sleep. This means if your baby doesn’t get sufficient sleep during naps, they probably won’t sleep better at night.

Daytime naps should not be built around feeding. This stops the link between nursing and sleeping from developing, thus breaking any connection that was otherwise built.

Here are some tricks you can include:

• Nurse your baby outdoors during the day to allow them to experience weather changes and sunlight making it hard to settle into a nap.
• Feed in the middle of playtime when your baby is more alert and less likely to fall asleep.
• Create nursing intervals throughout the day to help them develop a feeding routine rather than a cue for sleep.

You can also create other signals around naptime that don’t involve feeding. It might be difficult to stick to this routine at first, but eventually, it will be beneficial.

5. Put your baby down drowsy but still awake

A good starting point when you want to stop your baby’s feed-to-sleep association is laying your baby down in its crib in a drowsy state– not fully asleep. This teaches them to self-settle into sleep.

And even though you’ll be following a routine, there are times when you need to feed your baby right before bed. The goal here is to ensure your baby stays awake while they feed and when you put them down. If while nursing at any time they start to drift off, stop and gently lay them down. This is the best way for your baby to learn to put themselves to sleep independently. The process is also useful in avoiding confusion when your baby wakes up, and you are no longer there.

6. Encourage self-soothing

You might not want the baby to cry and interrupt sleep too much at night, but resist the urge to immediately pick the baby up for feeding at the first sign of restless movement or a small whimper.

Listen for some minutes and allow her a chance to soothe herself back to sleep. This is where the sleep training method you choose will be useful in settling your baby back to sleep without resorting to nursing, particularly when you know they aren’t hungry.

7. Avoid overstimulating your baby at naptime or bedtime

If you’ve ever stayed up too late playing games and then later found yourself unable to fall asleep. Babies can also experience the same except in their little world, overstimulation can be as common as extending playtime or as simple as having visitors stay too late.

It’s sometimes difficult to avoid stimulating situations, but whenever possible, avoid keeping your baby awake longer with exciting games, going for late or long outings, or entertaining visitors before bedtime. Generally, try keeping playtime a sufficient amount of time before bedtime and even naps. You might also want to eliminate screen time an hour before bed to avoid overstimulation.

While it can sound counterintuitive, babies who are overstimulated and overtired have a very hard time calming down enough to fall asleep peacefully without nursing.

The best way to avoid overtiredness is to watch out for sleepiness signals such as yawning, fussiness, clinginess, eye rubbing, etc. Immediately you see these cues, you should start winding them down following your routine, which can include calming music or white noise, dim lights, a warm bath, and a baby massage.

You should also understand wake windows to have an idea of how long your baby stays awake.

8. Gradually reduce how much touch your baby needs to fall asleep

I am not suggesting you stop hugging, holding, or rocking your bundle of joy before their bedtime. Babies need and love touch, and touch is essential for their development, so by all means, do plenty of hugging, snuggling, and rolling in the hay with your baby.

However, when you lay them down to sleep, you don’t want to repeatedly do this until your baby falls asleep. Instead, settle your baby using touch and put them down while they’re still awake.

9. Implement a Transitional Object  

If transitioning proves harder than you anticipated, the other technique you can try is to start promoting a transitional object. Babies often develop a sucking association with sleep. So, in the beginning, they might need something to replace the nipple.

There are several sensory objects associated with sleeping. Try to think of how to recreate them to make this change less dramatic. But remember, babies are different. Some babies are more flexible to change than others their age, and some babies will not accept that pacifier until they realize the bottle or nipple is just no longer available. 

10. Let your partner put the baby to bed sometimes

It might be difficult to have your baby so close and not nurse them to sleep. It might be even harder to let others share core responsibilities like feeding and laying the baby to bed. Getting your baby used to being put to bed by someone else will be incredibly useful later when you are not around to do it yourself.

If you need to nurse your baby before bed, go ahead and nurse them until your little one is drowsy but still awake. Have your partner or any other trusted family member finish the routine with soothing skills such as a story, lullaby, or cuddles, and then let them lay your baby down to sleep. You can even have your partner feed them if possible. Like with all the other methods, your baby may protest and fuss at first, but eventually, they will get used to it and may even sleep a little longer.

Trying to do everything by yourself will only burn you out and even increase the risk of postpartum depression.

11. Wean Your Baby off the Nipple

Fully weaning your little one off of nursing to sleep will not happen overnight. But it still helps to slowly start weaning them off in order to break association rather than leaving them to cry it out. The process involves unlatching your baby from the nipple when they are just about to fall asleep.

You’ll likely have to repeat the cycle of un-latching, soothing, and re-latching for the first few days or even weeks before your baby learns to sleep without sucking the nipples. Your baby will sometimes wake up again each time and look for your nipple. However, continually repeating this process will help stop the association subconsciously.

Effects of Feeding to Sleep

Most babies will often or occasionally rely on feeding to sleep without any obvious problems. However, regardless of whether it’s a habit initiated by the baby or the parent, there are potential effects linked with nursing your baby to sleep.

Sleep deprivation

A feed-sleep association can lead to broken sleep, which can then distress both the baby and the parent due to sleep deprivation.

Underfeeding

Babies who are chronically sleep-deprived often fall asleep before completing the feed. This, along with a rigid nursing schedule, could cause underfeeding.

Overfeeding

Newborns are susceptible to overfeeding since they have an incredibly active sucking reflex. Nursing or giving feeds that aren’t needed could cause or increase an overfeeding problem. Most GI symptoms are commonly mistakenly blamed on milk allergy, reflux, or intolerance, yet they are associated with overfeeding.

Tooth decay

Swallowing frequency decreases when babies are asleep compared to when they are awake and alert. Milk can therefore pool in your baby’s mouth, creating a ground for bacteria causing tooth decay.

Aspiration

Nursing or feeding a sleepy baby increases the risk of choking or inhaling milk into the lungs.

Respiratory infections

According to research, babies who feed while sleeping have a higher risk of suffering from respiratory infections.

Others will have a difficult time settling the baby to sleep

The feeding-to-sleep association is also often frustrating because it means only the mum can settle and put the baby to bed. This can make you feel tied to where the baby is and can never have some time to also relax. It can mean limited options for the help you get, especially if your baby requires further night feedings.

By teaching your little one to stop the feed-to-sleep association, you may finally get some time to enjoy a date night with your partner or make plans with friends.

In addition, relying on feeding to sleep can add extra pressure on a breastfeeding mum, making nursing overwhelming. Once your baby no longer needs to be fed to sleep, you may find you actually enjoy nursing your baby more as you may feel you regain some sense of control.

Feeding to sleep can cause emotional stress

When nobody but mum has to do it, the parenting journey can become exhausting quite fast. The stress associated with exclusive breastfeeding, hours trying to ensure your baby is well fed, exhaustion and sleep deprivation from waking up to offer multiple night feeds, and various health visits, among others, can take a significant toll on physical and emotional health.

Postpartum depression is very common among new mothers; therefore, it’s crucial to ensure reduced stress in any way possible. Sharing the responsibility with your partner or other family members can go a long way in setting both you and your baby up for success.

How to decide when to stop your baby from feeding to sleep

Regardless of your baby’s age, you can wean her off being nursed to sleep relatively easily and quickly – whenever you are ready!

In the early days, feeding your newborn to sleep is fine. However, as time passes, it becomes a strong habit thus it’s crucial to watch for signs that’s it’s becoming an issue.

If Your little one treats your breast as a Pacifier. Some infants truly have a higher sucking need, which is crucial for oral development. If that’s your baby’s case, you can try giving them a real pacifier instead of your breast. Research also states the comforting benefits of comfort feeding or feeding an infant for pain relief. While comfort feeding is common and even fine from time to time, especially during teething and illness, if your baby often sucks without a cause, it’s time to wean them off.

If Baby Won’t Nap or Sleep Without Feeding: Babies can also develop habits around sleep, like all humans, but good habits encourage sleep, not prevent it. Feeding can help your little one fall asleep easily, but it becomes a problem when they can’t fall asleep if they’re not feeding or sucking at the breast.

If Baby Wants to Feed All Night: Unlike adults, babies have shorter and lighter sleep cycles so they wake up multiple times overnight. If the baby creates a dependency on feeding to sleep, they will likely be demanding night feedings after every few minutes.

As I already mentioned, nursing to sleep can become a strong habit that’s difficult to break. So absolute commitment from both partners to teaching the baby new and better settling methods is vital if you are going to succeed.

Benefits of breaking feeding to sleep

I likely don’t need to mention this first big win…getting longer stretches of sleep for you. If your baby wakes up less often because they don’t need to be fed frequently, you get more sleep as well. This makes for a happier family.

A baby that has better sleep at night will be more rested, happier, and healthier, and they will even start to nap better during the day. Not only will you have more sleep at night, but you’ll be able to do more during the day while she snoozes.

And the benefits are not limitedly sleep-related. Babies who don’t depend on being fed back to sleep especially when they wake up several times at night feed better during the day. They are less fussy when feeding during the day and it even becomes easier to start them on solids.

Conclusion

Babies can fall asleep feeding. It’s normal. However, the feed-to-sleep association should be stopped once babies are past the newborn stage. The feeding-to-sleep habit is one of the strongest to break, but the end result will be well worth it.

While you’ve set an end goal of teaching your baby to self soothe, it’s important to note that it doesn’t mean letting them ‘cry it out.’

There are several options for teaching your baby to settle without nursing to sleep, some as gentle as staying in the room with your baby the whole time. Choose one that you are comfortable with. However, it’s crucial to set a plan. Without one, you will be basically going in blind which will often result in more problems and tears in the end. A good plan will guide you through how to support your baby in beneficial ways, how to deal with difficulties while still moving towards your end goal of breaking the habit and better sleep, and how to mitigate challenges depending on how your child responds to a certain strategy.

Remember, different strategies work for different parents depending on the baby’s age, how quickly you need the change, what you are ready to try, etc.

Once you start working on stopping the negative feed to sleep association, avoid reverting back or it will be even harder. Your commitment and consistency to your plan will be the key which determines if your baby learns to fall asleep on their own without feeding to sleep so only start working on it when you are ready. At the end of the day, you are the parent and you get to do what’s best for both you and your child.

Also, recognize that eliminating the habit and teaching your baby a new settling method takes days or weeks. Don’t expect your child to instantly accept the change or ‘sleep through the night’ after a single trial. You should however start to experience improvements after 5-6 days if you are consistent and not confusing the baby by sometimes feeding her back to sleep. Happy sleeping!